Church splits, doctrinal arguments, mean spirits and soft hearts... all point to some very basic church problems. From a family perspective, what do you say to the kids about church problems?

If the children are very small,. simple words of reassurance are appropriate. For older children (I would say ten and up) some serious explanations are in order.

First, ALWAYS pray about bad situations. Pray with the children for church unity, a heart of forgiveness, a tender heart and a sound mind. Regular and constant prayer both changes things and impresses upon the kids your reliance on and trust in God.

Second, it is vital that you teach your children the difference between a sincere defense of truth and a mean spirited defense of it. Likewise, you simply must teach them the difference between a tender heart (which God wants, Ephesians 4:32) and a lax view of defending truth (which, of course, God does not want (Jude 3; Titus 1:10-14).

Third, as you teach your children about church problems, help them understand the unfortunate reality that many today confuse sound scriptural teaching with a bad attitude.

We live in a world that is beginning to believe that truth itself is too mean, that adherence to truth equals a hateful (or at least an uncaring) spirit. Those taken in by such false thinking must, to be consistent, accept many and varied doctrines often outside that pale of God's word.

It certainly feels like those who accept almost anything are more loving. After all, they have fewer complaints and voice fewer corrections than others. But is that God's will?

Be clear, be friendly, be compassionate as you teach your children that recognizing, following and teaching God's truths do not constitute an unloving attitude. Sharing truth with others and setting straight someone who does not yet know truth, is an act of love and not arrogance.

As you share truth with the kids, open the book! Turn to a few key passages, read them as a family and ask some open, thought provoking questions. Let's go through a few for practice.

Read Ephesians 3:4, "And by referring to this, when you read you can understand my insight into the mystery of Christ...." Now ask the kids, "Can we understand what God has to say to us in the Bible?"

Read John 8:32, "...and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. " Now ask the kids, "Can we really know the truth that makes us free? Does knowing truth make you arrogant or self-righteous? Can you be free if you do not know the truth? Would you be willing to share God's truth with others so they can be free?"

Read Galatians 4:16, "Have I become your enemy by telling you the truth?" Now ask the kids, "Will some people respond badly when you tell them the truth?"

Read Jude 3, "Beloved, while I was making every effort to write you about our common salvation, I felt the necessity to write to you appealing that you contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints." Now ask the kids, "Does God want you to be serious about understanding and defending His truth?"

Parents would do well to help their children understand the differences between those who defend truth honorably and those who defend truth with a dishonorable, hateful attitude.

Be careful to teach the kids that truth is truth, even if it is proclaimed with a wrong spirit. Be equally careful to teach them that falsehood is false, even if it is proclaimed with great love, tenderness and acceptance. Attitudes can certainly be good or bad, but they never determine doctrine.

Demonstrate to them your deep desire to hold fast to God's truth without going beyond what is written (I Corinthians 4:6) and with compassion, even grief, for those leaving God's truth.

You will need to address the personal ambitions of those causing problems, or even ungodly attitudes of those with truth. You will have to explain the misunderstandings people have of one another or one another's motives. You will have to teach carefully and diligently about forgiveness. And you will definitely have to show scripturally that love teaches truth and seeks to correct those in opposition (II Timothy 2:22-26).

But never, ever, ever compromise truth even for an hour (Galatians 2:5).

When all is said and done, the only thing that matters is whether we have held fast to truth, taught that truth in love, put God's word above personal comforts and preferences and loved Jesus enough to obey Him and seek His grace for our failures.

Ray Wallace
1100 Dahlia
Denver, CO 80220
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